he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
