you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
It's Friday. Sex?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
