So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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