Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
