No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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