so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
