I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
