He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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