after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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