I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
