i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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