Define "chronic" masturbator.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
