i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
