i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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