Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
