hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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