we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
