Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You left your underwear on the fireplace
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
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