I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
