Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I smell like Dick and happiness
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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