Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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