ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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