She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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