Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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