She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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