Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
