Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
