Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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