I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
