A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
