waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
