it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
