4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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