i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize