The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
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