OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
