Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
