I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize