I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
