someone threw a dead crab at me
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
