dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
