i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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