You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
