I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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