It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
