just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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