I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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