this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
time to smoke my breakfast
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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