I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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