Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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