Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize