Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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