i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
the day after is always just damage control
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
