Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
