just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize