I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
