Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
