Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Randomize
