I molested 6 butterflies tonight
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
