Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
