she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
